My PDAer support group recently discussed how they go about getting "that thing" done, in spite of their Pathological Demand Avoidance tendancies. PDA North America defines PDA as "characterized by avoiding simple, everyday demands due to an undercurrent of extremely high anxiety that makes them feel trapped." PDA Society also explains PDA as often having "an ‘irrational quality’ to the avoidance – for instance, a seemingly dramatic reaction to a tiny request, or the feeling of hunger inexplicably stopping someone from being able to eat."
Here are some of the suggestions my PDAer group on how to get things done:
Body Doubling / Do It with Someone Else
Co-regulation with someone who doesn’t stress you out (human or otherwise)
Trick yourself
Deadline that isn’t too soft or hard
Teach someone else ...Place yourself in an expert role
Build in rest time (you can feel the pressure building–need to deflate some)
Become more forgiving of self AND respect your needs
Don’t feel like you have to do “it” a certain way
Fun, unconventional way
Small steps - maybe only a few steps at a time
For buy-in, make sure you understanding what has to get done and why
Roadmap, know the steps, find your way
Learn everything you can about the “thing”
Do that "thing" before anyone asks to avoid scrutiny
Being perceived is tough (some folks feel that with body doubling and felt that doing it off camera really helped)
Do your project without telling anyone…don’t let them ruin it or, have project
Complete the task before sharing it with anyone.(so they don't mess it up for you!)
Disassociate so you can launch
Minimal viable option (no pressure)
Momentum is key
Stim song / self soothing
Create low demand experiences
Join our monthly Adults with PDA Support Group, on or off camera, participate or just listen, and no need to RSVP. The only requirement is that you are an adult with pathological demand avoidance. This meeting is not for loved ones or professionals. Please check the PDA North America website if you are looking for support as a parent or friend, etc.
***The link will always be the same.***
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/88597024863?pwd=Bw5FTrKHXN9dRkfTbFITgIFQznwy9H.1
Meeting ID: 885 9702 4863
Passcode: 521434
New Book: Navigating PDA in America
For folks wanting to help children, teens and young adults with PDA, there is a new resource. Ruth Fidler and Diane Gould's book, Navigating PDA in America: A Framework to Support Anxious, Demand-Avoidant Autistic Children, Teens, and Young Adults just became available.
The PDA movement in America is in its very early stages and this book should prove to be very helpful toward moving things forward. I especially appreciate Fidler and Gould's PDAer support recommendations that suggest prioritizing emotional well being, keeping the PDAer involved in all discussions and decisions, accepting what is, and preparing the PDA for future autonomy.
Active on Linkedin? Consider joining our brand new PDA at Work group.
Looking to learn more about PDA? Check out these articles: Creating Safety for the PDA Nervous System, PDA Resources, and Managing Your PDA.
Questions about PDA? Consider booking a free consultation. We can take a few minutes together discussing PDA (pathological demand avoidance) and possible next steps to help you move in the direction you want.
Self Help for PDAers from PDA Society.
Are you a professional trying to serve your PDA client better? You may find this PDA Society pdf helpful.
